love? yeah, whatever.

hello, i'm here again and you should know i have something bad to share again huh my lovely bloggie.

since when my blog has become a place to throw all my tantrum instead of sharing nice stuffs/things i met in NZ to you guys?

okay, i don't even know who's still following my blog tho.

PATHETIC.

sometimes i don't really understand why should i have a bf?

and why does he need a gf?

what for?

since that you can do everything with your friends

share everything with them

and i blame you for not having lunch/hanging out with me (as you promised yesterday)

ended up you said it's my fault caused i did not wake up that early and go out with you instead

i thought that you promised me that you will wake me up when you get home and we will hang out in the town together?

and now, it's my fault and you told me i have to blame myself.

okay fine.

i'm PATHETIC.

when i am throwing tantrum to you/mad at you for no reason or maybe for a reason that i want you to realize it yourself

i thought you would understand and maybe just..pacify me back or things like that?

i thought that's what a bf should do.

but you just mad at me back and said you hate me doing this?

you said you angry because of me angry?

because of me throwing tantrum at you?

okay, its's my fault again in the end.

PATHETIC.

should i blame myself for not understanding you well before i started this relationship?

i hate that you always can't keep your promises and most of the time it's because of your friends

i really do.

and i hope you see this.

Tearless

Bruno Mars always make every lyric so romantic.

Just can't stop playing this song.

Wonder if someone would sing this song everyday when we break up.

Haaaa.

Alright, I'm just saying.

I am currently lost confidence in my relationship.

Although the bf and I have been gone through so many things together for about 4 years.

Um-hm.

4 years.

A: Seriously 4 years? God, how did you guys make it? I can't even stand in a relationship for more than a year.

B: Ah-hah. 4 years. Not really long tho.

I don't know if I drag him to New Zealand is a good choice.

Or maybe we shouldn't stay together?

Everything he did simply make me feel like his friends are more important than me in his life.

He meets his friends every Mon-Fri morning because of classes.

Then they will still meet up after class.

Night.

Evening.

Saturday before he goes to work.

Sunday morning.

Sunday night chilling.

I can hardly see my position in his life.

I know, I work 6 days a week and this might also be a reason that cause us can't get together so frequently.

But when the moment I am free, he is still there for his friends.

I am lost.

Really.

I don't know what should I do to fix this.

I asked him about this before.

"The feeling to be with friends is different, you know, it's different."

Okay.

"I'm happy to be with them than you."

That's what I understood from his answer.

Seriously, how do you guys manage your time to spend with your buddies and your gf?

sigh.
should I walk out of your life?

就这样

圣诞节就这么过了

第一次在国外的圣诞

原来是这么的无聊

没人没车没气氛

原来人人都跑去晒太阳啦！

那天真的是热得要命

不知道过后回去马来西亚会不会不习惯那炎热的天气

哈

圣诞节

虽然之前也没什么庆祝

但是最开心的圣诞还是跟阿倩过的圣诞

所以今年的圣诞真的好想她

圣诞礼物收到了三份

巧克力，护手霜和摆设品

几时才能换个皮包呢？

:(

--

朋友说：圣诞过得一点也不好，因为一个人过

我说啊，两个人过也不一定会过得快乐

哈哈

不是吗？

常常期待特别的日子会有什么特别的事情发生

浪漫的，惊喜的，感动的

但往往都只能自己凭空想象

人一旦有了期待，就很难将它亲手结束

有时真的会让我觉得

在你的世界里

朋友比我重要

不开心我不说

因为不想吵架

你说为什么我看起来闷闷不乐

我也想快乐

但是装着开心真的好辛苦

又是时候该洗洗脑了

nothing will last forever.

其實很多事情不是看你能不能做到

而是看你願不願意去做

人總是很矛盾

明明常常叮嚀自己說要向前看

告訴自己要的是什麼

想要的未來是怎樣的

但是有時後你會發現你懷念過去

甚至想要把生活倒帶

未來是很虛擬的

你可以把它想得很完美

但到最後你所想像的和你得到的落差都很大

所以我常常提醒自己不要把未來想到太完美

畢竟有很多人和事都足夠影響我的未來

後知後覺我發現

原來時間能改變好多事情, 好多東西, 好多想法

其實

NOTHING WILL LAST FOREVER.

i'm gonna get this sentence on my body as a reminder FOREVER.

someday.

外婆

医院，对我来说不是个陌生的地方

但是现在我才体会到陪在病人旁的心情

苦涩，无能为力，伤心，流泪，感触良多

很复杂

不知道以前发生车祸躺在病房的时候，妈妈们是不是也有这样的感受

外婆病倒了

帮忙妈妈们轮流照顾外婆的我

看着外婆憔悴的样子

想起好多好多事情

毕竟我从小就在外婆家长大

想起外婆帮我扎马尾，煮了一大锅包菜汤只给我喝，带着我去跳土风舞。。。

外婆好久好久没笑了

瘦了

憔悴了

没体力了

累了

虽然说大家都做好了心理准备

但是相信事情到了最后，这一切还是会被眼泪给摧毁

帮她擦汗，为她喝水

强忍着眼泪，只为了不要让她更难过

但是在她看不到的另一侧，眼泪还是流了下来

还剩下10天

我就要飞走了

还记得上星期外婆和我说下次我回来就看不到她了

心彻底地碎了，碎了

外婆，您累了要好好休息

不要牵挂

我们都长大了

我22岁了

在国外也该懂得如何照顾好自己

不要担心

像您每次说的

以前你们那个年代，这种年龄不知道已经生了多少孩子

崴骏会陪着我，照顾我

顺利的话他还会成为您的外孙婿，哈

至于妈妈们，舅舅们，姨姨们

您更加不需要担心

他们都把我们带大了

您看着我们长大，所以都知道您的儿子媳妇女儿女婿们都把我们顾得很好，不是吗？

外公当然也会好好地

退休了可以这里度假那里度假

很轻松自在

不需要操心了

外婆

我们都很爱你

May, Mei, 五月

it's May now.

almost half of 2012 ended.

dafuq.

resigned 1 month, goyang-kaki 1 month.

my life is so meaningless nowadays.

54 days more, my new life is ahead.

fees paid.

i just can't imagine daddy's 80k gone in a few hours because of this.

i'm looking forward to the life in Wellington with the bf as you can see from my fb updates.

all freakin' about new zealand, countdown or about the book i'm currently addicted to-囧样纽西兰

yet, i'm starting to feel worry after daddy prayed and drew divination stick at 善财爷@Muar for me.

欲望心事，西方可求

不如莫动，立地可谋

it says that it will be pretty hard for me to stay in New Zealand at the beginning.

i am not worrying about my part time job nor my room hunting.

it's about making new friends there.

i'm sort of passive person.

sigh.

as what daddy told me,

只有你去适应环境，环境是不可能来适应你的

yeah, it's fuckin' extremely true.  

by the way, i am wondering about 无意俄然遇知己，相逢携手上青天

the bf???

i hope he is the one.

(ˇˍˇ)

i'm ready for everything although our visa haven't done yet, haaa.

gonna post the last things to auntie Catherine next week.

hope everything will be done smoothly.

bought this Hush Puppies luggage and this winter wear yesterday and they cost me about RM900.

!@#$%^&*

i know earning money ain't that easy, but i still spending money like mad.

maybe almost everyone faces the same problem as i do.

hahaaaa.

Hush Puppies peachy luggage - RM 325 after 50% discount.

Grey winter wear- RM 367.20 after 20% discount.

Long john 1 set- RM135.20 after 20% discount.

TOTAL: RM827.40

hahahahaha.

i'm gonna die 99 in new zealand if i still remain this way.

must save, save, save!

do it for myself and for dad.

*finger-crossed*

it's my buddy's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KHOO XUE MEY!

*it's bad stealing other's picture,ngek ngek*

i wish you all your dreams come true, stay healthy and happy forever-ever.

posted this to her today.

it's what we do every year.

you post to me and i post to you.

we're happy family.

lol !

お誕生日おめでとうございます

*thanks, Google translate*

me with mustache!

hohoho!

have a nice day.

kthxbye.

Tomb-sweeping day?

tomb-sweeping day? cheng meng?

i don't know what should it called in english.

it's a day we used to clean our ancestors' graves and eat pohpiah.

i was known that most of the people do not have this kind of custom, i mean, eating pohpiah during cheng meng.

probably it's only our family's custom?

haha, idk.

i did not go for graves-cleaning this year because daddy and my relatives set it on Thursday and i was still working in Singapore.

i still cannot get used to the goyang-kaki-life here in my hometown. =/

my beloved grandma. she's very ill now, as you can see she is getting thinner and thinner. ='(

*sorry for my non-makeup look. don't be freaked out.

Credited to Jingwen, who always help grandma to make her medicine tastes better by adding apple/kiwi in.

Preparing.

8kg of this. unbelievable.

Two little cuties! the model of the day, lol.

ohh noooo! dad burnt my aunt's pan!

oh my pity aunt. hahahahaha.

the first step of eating pohpiah:

put some vege and sweet sauce on the flour-wrapper.

secondly, roll it.

finally, eat it!

as simple as that. =D

noty girl-girl and boy-boy

the way of making sweet sauce: asam + coconut sugar 

his favourite pose, PEACE. 

蜜瓜西米露, thumb up!

my big faimily =)

Finally I did a shot for myself, the camera-girl of the day.

I wonder how the strawberry can grow in my aunt's yard. haha.

I very very auntie here, shit.

helping neighbour to water the plant? lol.

Ended this post with my lovely grandparent.

I love them.

They take care of me since i was born.

I used to have princess-sick when I was staying with them.

I am so sorry.

I want them to be healhty, to be staying together and wait for me to get married.

7 years later. *sounds like we have a plan for our marriage already, lmao.

Tried to take some focusing-pictures with daddy's DSLR and this is my favourite.

How do you feel?

Gonna fly over to New Zealand on 25 June.

It's my birthday.

I should get the best plan for the day.

Please date me, the boring me, in these 3 months.

anyone?

=D